Show me the money!

No -- I'm not saying I'm a golddigger. I'm just a girl trying to have a decent date.

So I tried another guy. I drove over to his apartment, and he met me outside. He'd decided we'd rent a movie and hang out at his place. OK...whatever. Not exactly my dream first date, but I didn't feel like turning around and driving home.

He directs me to Blockbuster. We go over to the "new rentals" wall. Keep in mind this was several years ago. Going up and down the aisle, I keep suggesting movies. He's seen them all. You'd think that he'd just agree to one and be on with it. But no. Then he says that he will see Jerry Maguire again. Fine. Whatever.

But the Blockbuster excitement isn't over yet. We walk toward the counter and he says to me, "Your half is $1.67."

What???

I reply that I don't happen to have exact change, so I hand him a fiver. Does he hand it back and say "oh...I've got it."? No. He takes the money, pays for the movie and pockets the change.

Why didn't I just go home? Good question. If I had an answer, I'd share it.

We drive back to his apartment and go up to his bachelor pad. Which seriously needs to not be decorated with milk crates from college. He directs me to sit on the couch and asks if I want something to drink. I say sure. Whatever.

He comes back with a huge plastic cup -- like the kind beer comes in at the ballpark -- filled with water. Not even ice water. Just water from the tap. Barely cold. And tasting like plastic. Ok...sure.

Then he goes over and puts in the movie. I think he's going to come sit on the couch with me, since it's the only place to sit with a view of the television. No. I'm wrong. He sits on a chair across the room from me. Just sits there watching me while I watch the movie. A movie I didn't even really want to see since Tom Cruise creeps me out.

About an hour in, he clearly gets tired of watching me try not to nod off. He gets up, walks to another corner of the room. And starts to sort his CD collection. He's now doing housework. I tell him I'm going to go home. He gets up to walk me to the outside door.

We get to the door and he picks up his mail. Then asks if he can kiss me goodnight.

Whatever. You make me pay for the movie and you keep the change. You stare at me for an hour. Then you stsart to clean your house. You don't even get out an actual glass for the water. No...you can't kiss me.

Instead I say "no, I wouldn't feel right cheating on my boyfriend like that."

Yeah, that would be the boyfriend that totally doesn't exist. I wonder if he remembers I already said I didn't have one.

And then I don't care. He can keep the change, I'm going home for a hot bath and a good book.