Yeah. He said it.

Ok...this one isn't about a worst first date. It's about a worst fourth date. Date one was acceptable. Plus, I was bored, I figured "hey, how bad can the second one be?" Turns out pretty bad. He decided that finding out how quickly he could make me cry would be a fun time. Date three (yeah, I know...bad decision making) we hung out at his apartment. He ordered in ribs -- which he knew I hated. Then we watched Blazing Saddles.

Now, I know people love Blazing Saddles. I am not one of these people. He, on the other hand, was. And was deeply offended that I wasn't laughing at the parts he thought were outrageously funny. Not only was he deeply offended -- he proceeded to yell at me because clearly since I didn't think farting was about the funniest thing ever, that I was a stuck up bitch.

Ok. Whatever.

So why, you ask, did I take date #4? Because I'm a masochist. And I couldn't believe that anyone could be such a massive asshole. Guess what -- they can be. And they can get even worse.

We went to dinner -- a nice spot -- where he proceeded to tell me that no one would ever love me like he did. Uh...yeah. The things that he was saying sounded straight out of an after-school movie about bad boyfriends. I didn't think anyone actually said stuff like that. Apparently they do. But then it took a turn for the worse. (Yes, there's worse).

He asked if sometime he could watch me have sex with my dog.

Yeah. He said it.

First things first -- I do NOT have sex with my dog, no matter how much I love him. Second, oh hell no. As Whitney puts it -- Hell to the NO.

I called him sick (and also some things not as nice). I stood up, turned on my heel, and marched right out the door.

Guess what? Yeah, he called me the next day to see if I wanted to hang out. I made it clear there would be no more hanging out and he should get some psychological support. And hung up.

He called me constantly for the next few days, and each time I was increasingly forceful. And then came the e-mail.

I wish I still had it. It was the best e-mail I've ever received. It was a scathing indictment of my personality, a treatise on my complete inability to ever have a successful relationship with anyone (huh...I wonder if that includes my dog...). And since he was a grad student, there were lots of long words telling me how awful I am. And it was like 1000 words long. I am a bad, bad person with many deficiencies.

But not as many deficiencies as someone who things I should hook up with my beloved lab.